…or how I became a test case study.
Ok, let us start from the beginning, so you get the whole picture of what went wrong (nothing went wrong to tell the truth, in my opinion in was actually quite amusing). So still sitting in my corporate Babylon (now I like the expression, so I will use it a lot…because why not?), as I have a few month ago.
The situation was – we are all in one of those exciting, useful meetings where you discuss stuff. Or maybe the more suiting expression would be, where you sit and try not to fall asleep during the time when “the ones that know little, but talk a lot” (aka management) voice their important opinions on EVERYTHING, so that every indecisive suicide prospect can make his final decision a bit more faster. Those unlucky ones that have a pet, or a wife, or kids and they can’t choose the easy way out are forced to listen and withstand the whole eternity and a half of this acoustic torment.
But then came a certain information that I wasn’t that fond of, since “the people who know less then the people who know nothing” (aka management) have decided that we should do something that is completely moronic, out of place, and a total waste of time, just because some of them saw it in one of their fever-dreams, where the mystical spiritual guide of every manager (aka the talking turd) has shown them the true way of being wrong on every level possible.
So I decided to protest politely and ask them if they wouldn’t reevaluate the decision. You see, I have been there for a long time, and because I work directly as the person who sees and communicates the things regarding the proposed changes, I can predict the possible outcome. The answer was “no, we have to test it for an insanely long period of time, because we need hard, long, stiff, erected data….for only something like that can satisfy our unending lust for…..management stuff”. I protested, in a gentleman kind of way of course, proposing that it would be very unwise, and if someone would demand of them to put their hand in the blender for a few weeks, to see if it really hurts, they probably wouldn’t do it.
So being completely reasonable, I was expecting a reasonable answer. But nope, nothing like that…all of it was more or less on the level of “the ones, whose brains have been sucked out of their asses (aka management) have already spoken, and we should now cover in sacred fear of their everlasting dominance, and flog ourselves to honor their perfection..amen”. But being the well mannered, shy, employee that I am, I have told them, that I do not know what our fearsome management have studied, probably agriculture, but it wouldn’t kill them to read at least a few chapter from the Management for Dummies.
And what did I get for my effort to guide them like a good shepherd? Who won’t leave his stupid, ugly, shit covered, half retarded, inbred ruin of a herd behind, but will rather lead them home, to safety, away from all the nonsense they do not know they are doing..or trying to implement? An official warning, because the weak and cowardly thought that I have somehow undermined their authority (even my answer that how could I undermine something that does not exist didn’t help at all). But, no answer on my question, since when is “the student of agriculture” an profane expression..I know a lot of people who have studied it, and it’s one hell of a difficult specialization. Basically I do not have a clue of what their problem was…I didn’t say they were a waste of air and space..which they are. Nonetheless, HR was getting desperate about my questions, and they ended up repeating “it doesn’t matter, you already have the warning, you are just agreeing to the fact, that it has been handed to you” over and over again for almost an hour…and I had better things to do, so I signed it and was on my way…
…to create a nice new decoration for the office..behold, my call to all of the young, smart, determined people out there, who would like to do something good for themselves, as well as for the rest of the world:
Now it hangs on the notice board.
Fast forward a few month later…guess what? There was a manager training on how to waste time more ineffectively…I mean how to better lead the employees. And there was one role playing part which should train the fearless Fuhrer-ship on how to manage difficult-to-handle people in the company. And when I saw the document (presented world wide from what I heard), there was an example of an unadaptable employee…who would say stuff like “I think that the management has studied agriculture”. And I won’t lie, it made my day, my legacy has been rooted deeply. Even though I have said something a bit different:)